You’re very self-aware. So why are you still stuck?
A client said to me the other day,
“I get it. I know why I am this way… so why can’t I actually change?”
I hear some version of this all the time.
You can name your patterns.
You know where they come from.
You’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, maybe even been in therapy before.
You know your attachment style.
And yet, when you’re in it, you can’t get yourself to do anything differently.
That’s not because you don’t know yourself.
And it’s not because you’re broken.
It’s because insight and change are not the same thing.
Why Insight Isn’t Enough
Awareness happens in your mind.
Change happens in your nervous system:
in your body,
in the moment you would normally override yourself.
And that moment is a lot harder to stay with.
What Change Looks Like in Real Time
It’s the pause where you feel anxious and don’t immediately fix it.
It’s noticing you want to shut down and choosing to stay just a little longer.
It’s catching the “I don’t know” and getting curious instead of moving past it.
That’s the work.
Not just figuring yourself out-
but relating to yourself differently while it’s actually happening.
Why This Is Hard to Do Alone
It’s slower.
It’s messier.
And at first, it’s a lot less satisfying than having the answer.
But it’s also where things start to shift.
For real.
And it’s a lot easier to learn how to do this with someone who can help you stay with it.
